What Almost Was

What the hell was I thinking?

We are often the architects of our own destruction, haplessly knitting away, creating just enough rope to hang ourselves.

Luckily the universe (or God, or Karma, or chance) takes pity upon us and intervenes, saving us from our own self-destructive tendencies.

Here is what almost was.

Today was almost orientation day for Codeup’s Night Full-Stack bootcamp.

I almost had to take a day off from work in order to attend.  At the orientation, I would have had new software installed on my computer creating a web development environment in preparation for class which would have begun on the following Monday, March 23rd.

This means I would have had one weekend to familiarize myself with the new software before bootcamp began.  But competing for my attention over that one weekend would be the requirements of my job.  I am supposed to be creating a question bank of problems for teaching systems of equations as well as writing a quiz about systems for the entire Algebra 1 team to use.  So basically, web development would have been relegated to whatever time was left.

I would have started class at 5:30pm on Monday March 23rd.  But teachers are contracted to be on campus until 4:15pm.  My routine would have been rushing out of work, racing home to give MaryGold her seizure medication(See A Life Without Challenge and Search and Seizure), turning around and driving like a mad person to class all the while praying to God, Buddha, Jesus, the coming Jewish Messiah, Allah, Vishnu, anyone who would listen that there would be no traffic.  Any traffic at all would result in me arriving late to class.

Then after having been up since 5:45am and teaching a full day of classes, I would have been in bootcamp from 5:30pm – 9:30pm.  Then I would have had to drive home in the dark arriving around 10:30 at night.  At that time I would have had to eat dinner and begin preparing for my next day at work -grading papers, looking over the lesson, etc.  At midnight, again the seizure medication for MaryGold and finally sleep.  You may have noticed that there was no time to actually review and practice what I had learned in class that day.

Then I would get to wake up at 5:45 in the morning and repeat this harried routine every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday for 8 months!! This is what I originally signed up for.  This is what I thought I could handle.  This is my slightly masochistic tendencies rearing their ugly heads.

Seeing it written down on paper, it looks almost absurd.  Knowing me, I likely would have soldiered through, but I can’t even begin to imagine the cost to my professional, emotional, and mental health.

But fate stepped in. (See Curve Ball and Door #1 or Door#2)  The Night Full-stack bootcamp was cancelled due to low enrollment.  I guess I wasn’t the only one who realized they were going to struggle to make it work.

At first I was devastated by the cancellation.  I have been anticipating starting camp in March since last December when I was accepted into CodeUp.  The cancellation of the camp forced me to reevaluate and I have decided to switch to the Day Full-Stack Bootcamp which begins on June 8th, during my summer vacation.  This camp meets from 9am – 4pm.

Gone now is the devilish rush to class afterwork.  Gone is the stress of balancing teaching a full load with scaling the steep learning curve of web development.  Gone are the late, late nights trying to find some time to practice my new coding skills.  Gone is my own self-inflicted noose.

It is often said that playing the “what if” game is fruitless.  In this case I disagree.  By playing the “what if” game and evaluating what almost was, I see now that I am in a much better position to actually learn the web development and programming skills that I want to master.

What almost was likely would have been a disaster for me, something reminiscent of my first painfully exasperating experience with programming. (See Flip the (Java) Script).

What will be is a reasonable chance to succeed so long as I apply myself diligently.  With renewed hope, I look forward to the challenge.  Thanks for the help universe.


One thought on “What Almost Was

  1. looks like the universe was looking after you after all SounJa — 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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