Door #1 or Door #2?

If you read my posts Puss in Boot(Camp), Search and Seizure, and SnapDragon’s Tale, then you are aware that I am a cat lover.

What you are unaware of, what you cannot possibly know is the depth of my love for cats. Since childhood they have enchanted me and I have devoted my efforts to rescuing them whenever possible. In fact, my brother and sister used to call me The Cat Protector. Actually, they still do.

Which is why the sudden, violent, accidental death of my cat Orion was such a tragic and traumatic event for me. To make matters worse, Orion died because of a decision that I made.

This horrific event took place when I was 13 years old. Today I am 30 and I still cannot discuss the details without crying. My eyes are welling up as I type these words so I will not go into further detail regarding the manner of Orion’s death. Suffice to say she died afraid and she died alone and it was all my fault.

Orion’s death and my unintentional role in it have had a curious effect on me in my life since the incident. Since Orion died because of a decision I made (I would do anything to go back in time and change my course of action) any time I have a major decision to make, I freeze.

I feel suddenly helpless, almost infantile when faced with a major choice. Fear’s cold had grips my throat and my anxiety shoots through the roof. Why? Because just like with poor Orion, I am terrified of making the wrong choice.

Right now, I am faced with a major decision that I need to make. Every time I think I have made up my mind, I waver, back peddle, and fall again into cloudy indecision.

So here are my choices. Codeup is offering two different bootcamps. They have been truly wonderful and professional throughout this entire odyssey.  They told me that because I am already accepted into the program (see Running the Gauntlet) I did not have to reapply. All I have to do is tell them which camp I want to attend and I will be good to go.

Sounds easy right? But I am stumbling, gnashing my teeth, and losing sleep over deciding which camp to attend.

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Door #1: Night Front-End Bootcamp
Cost: $8500 (100% financing available, $1,000 women’s scholarship available.)
Duration: 4 months
Class Meets: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday 5:30pm-9:30pm plus alternating Weekends
Techskills: HTML/CSS, JavaScript, JQuery, WordPress
Begins: March 23rd

Pros: This camp meets in the evening. I can go to work during the day, and study programming at nights. This camp focuses on HTML and CSS which I love!

Cons: No back end development is covered. It will be extremely difficult to teach all day, then turn around and program all night. I run the risk of burning out.

Door #2: Day Full-stack Bootcamp
Cost: $16,000 (100% financing available, $5000 women’s scholarship available)
Duration: 4 months + 2 months of optional mentorship
Class Meets: Monday-Friday 9am – 4pm
Techskills: Proficiency in PHP + JavaScript + Laravel + jquery. Exposure to MySQL, Linux, Apache/nginx, cloud deployments
Begins: June 5th

Pros: This camp covers both back and front-end development. This camp starts while I am on summer break from teaching so I will not have to work while I am learning programming. The syllabus includes HTML/CSS.

Cons: The camp is longer than summer vacation. To finish it I would not be able to return as a teacher for the 2015-2016 school year. This camp is more expensive.

Codeup is really willing to work with me and both camps have their advantages and disadvantages. Before the two doors, I feel the old familiar paralysis. Which would you choose? Why?

Our old demons are the hardest to slay. I feel the weight of that truth as I glimpse Orion’s specter and attempt to choose. Door #1 or Door #2?

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2 thoughts on “Door #1 or Door #2?

  1. HI Soun Ja – I would chose the second option, full time and ask for two months leave of absence from my workplace to cover.
    Sounds difficult? frightened? i would be too. i mean they might… probably.. would say NO. and you’d lose your job.
    but if you want to do this course, you might lose your job anyhow so what have you got to lose?
    BELIEVE it can happen and you might be surprised. your existing job might say sure, you can have two months off leave without pay. why not ask?

    we can have ALL we want, if only we chose to BELIEVE>

    look at the title of your blog: you already believe.

    and i hear you about Cats. may the heavens bless Orion. xx

    Like

  2. I was just reading in a book, over the last couple of days, about the fear of making bad or wrong choices. The book is called “Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self.” by Sarah Ban Breathnach. It is one of the many tools I’ve been using to seek to work through my fears, a major one being of doing things wrong. I also read once somewhere else, that we should not be so terrified of making mistakes. They are the learning blocks which help us understand ourselves. There are so many other thoughts, but this is about helping you. TMI tends to muddy the waters. You’re brave, and you will know which is right for your because the choice will set you free.

    Like

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